I love having hate sex.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
