So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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