Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
