the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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