actually, I'm a sock model
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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