He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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