So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize