i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
