Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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