so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Say something about gay babies.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
