That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
