My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
