sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
