If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize