Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
