I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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