three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize