Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she peed on how many people?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
