I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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