if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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