I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
