What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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