i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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