Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize