But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
