cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
