around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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