Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
someone get that fucking seahorse.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
