she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
