Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
