if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
