i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
