Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
