your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
