People in love make me want to vomit
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize