I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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