Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize