Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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