ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
