Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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