Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i already hear my dad disowning me
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize