thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize