Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
