I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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