..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
