I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
