Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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