I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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