True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize