a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
