if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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