This is not my ceiling
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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