why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
