On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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