i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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