Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think people are normalizing furries
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize