and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
