Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
