Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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