Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
