its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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