it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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