someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize