Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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