you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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