:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
