I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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