i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
