so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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