be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
