I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
