I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
