I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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