And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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