yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
