I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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