if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
