I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
