This dress was meant to end up on your floor
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize
