all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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