You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize