His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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