i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
