We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
