i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
