Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize