The maid of honor just puked.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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