he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize