So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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