Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
