We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
