so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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