i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
