what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize