my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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