so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
