what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
