My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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